


In My Next Life (Killugon One Shot)

by Kirbydesu248



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Animals, Canon Universe, Comfort, Death, Family, Friendship, Gen, Grieving, Hurt, Killugon - Freeform, Kitten, Loss, Love, M/M, One Shot, Reincarnation, Sad, Tragedy, hxh - Freeform, whale island
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 08:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13267152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirbydesu248/pseuds/Kirbydesu248
Summary: "In my next life i want to be me and meet you again!"Gon was sixteen when his best friend died. They’d been best friends for four years, been through hell and back together. And Gon wasn’t even there to see his last breaths. He hated that, hated it with a burning passion. After everything that had happened, the pain, the fights, the loneliness- Gon wasn’t there for Killua. Again.





	In My Next Life (Killugon One Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr http://hunterxblog.tumblr.com/post/169298040882/in-my-next-life-killugon-one-shot

Gon was sixteen when his best friend died. They’d been best friends for four years, been through hell and back together. And Gon wasn’t even there to see his last breaths. He hated that, hated it with a burning passion. After everything that had happened, the pain, the fights, the loneliness- Gon wasn’t there for Killua. Again.

They had been hunters, skilled hunters from the age of twelve. The strongest? No, not by any means. But no one could deny that they were special. It was understandable, though. Gon, the only son of the world’s greatest hunter and born of Nen, and Killua, the heir and the most skilled and infamous assassins the world has ever known. They were born from greatness. 

So how was it that Gon’s life had become so ordinary, so mundane? The young hunter split from his best friend in order to see his father, and in order for Killua to give his baby sister the world. This was under the pretense that they’d always be friends and always be in contact. Well Gon stayed with Ging a grand total of three days, and with Kite and his friends another two, before he was on his way back to Whale Island to complete years of school work with Mito. 

He and Killua didn’t stay in contact. Not often, anyway. Gon tried at first, but the guilt from what he’d done to Killua after Kite died ate away at him and caused his sanity to decay. He found that Killua’s scattered replies and the fact that things were  _ different _ pulled him further and further from his other half. Soon he stopped reaching out and soon Killua stopped replying as well. Mito learned fairly quickly to stop mentioning the former assassin.

The next time he heard any mention of his chocolate loving best friend was the announcement from Alluka of his death. 

What hurt Gon the most, what shook him to the core and destroyed the remaining traces of his innocence, was  _ how _ the young Zoldyck passed. It wasn’t his brother or the disturbed magician. It wasn’t someone seeking revenge on the family of assassins for the death of a loved one. It wasn’t a hunting assignment gone wrong. No, what killed Killua Zoldyck… was poison.

He was supposed to be immune to it. That’s what Killua had always said. His family had eased him into a high tolerance. Slipping toxic substances into his food and drinks, injecting others into him directly. He once told Gon how he used to feel the side effects for days on end before they’d start to wear off. All to gain immunity against enemies who might want to rid the world of him. Who knew that the very enemies that the Zoldycks were trying to protect Killua from, were themselves? 

Alluka’s letter explained that according to toxicology reports, the poisons had been slowly killing him from the inside out for years. His tolerance was high- that was was the only reason behind him living for so long. But he wasn’t immune. He’d been in pain, suffering in silence instead of telling Gon or Alluka how sick he was. No one noticed it until he’d finally started showing symptoms. By then it was too late. 

The funeral was on Kukuroo Mountain so Gon couldn’t attend. He couldn’t see his best friend buried. Couldn’t say goodbye one last time. At first he was in denial. “ _ It’s just a trick! Killua doesn’t want his family to find him to he and Alluka faked it! He’s fine! _ ” Gon would text Killua’s phone, leave him messages and laughing about this prank and about how he fooled everyone, then yelling, then crying. A box came in the mail a week later- pictures, Killua’s clothes, his cell phone, his hunter license, some old chocolate robots. Gon called Killua’s phone more often, clinging to his sarcastic voicemail like a lifeline until the number was automatically disconnected a month later.

* * *

 

A few months after Killua’s funeral, Mito walked into the pet store on Whale Island to pick up some bird seed. Her surrogate son no longer fed the birds around their home. He no longer did anything now that Killua was dead. She tried desperately to make her boy smile and to bring him out of this coma-like state that he was in, but nothing worked and she felt that he had a right to mourn. So she decided to let him stay in his room while she attempted to make life as normal as possible for him. 

The woman walked around the store with the seed in her hands, looking at the various animals. She was petting a few puppies when she heard mewling behind her. A smile graced her lips as she turned to face the litter of kittens behind her. Her breath halted when her gaze landed on the smallest- white fluffy fur and bright blue eyes. Blue eyes so bright that they reminded her of- She covered her mouth, her eyes burning.

“Oh my… hello there!” She hesitantly reached in and picked up the furry creature, smiling weakly as it pawed and mewled at her with those big blue eyes. “You… You look so much like my Killua!” She laughed, shaking her head. “I guess that’s silly to say. Comparing him to a kitten… I guess I’m just seeing things. But still…” 

Mito remembered the day the letter came. She saw that it was from Alluka and immediately called Gon in. Oh, if she’d only known… She’d watched as Gon’s smile vanished, his face becoming ominously neutral. The way that his hands shook as he held onto the paper for dear life. How the color drained from his face and the light from his eyes. How he-

The kitten in Mito’s hands mewled again, snapping her out of her thoughts. Those blue eyes gazed at hers in concern, his fluffy head tilted to the side. He almost looked… sad. A look she’d seen in Killua’s eyes once when she’d asked him about his family. Those eyes…. 

Mito held the small creature close, closing her eyes. “Let’s go home, okay? I bet you’re just what he needs.” 

The kitten tilted his head again before rubbing against her chest

* * *

 

“Gon! I’m home, sweetheart!” Mito called as she walked into the house, closing the door behind her. She glanced at the boy’s bedroom door and sighed quietly, shifting the kitten in her hands. She smiled and tried again, approaching the door and knocking. “I was at the pet store. I have something for you. It might help take your mind off…” 

There was the sound of movement in the room before the door opened revealing a disheveled sixteen year old boy with dull brown eyes and skin pale from lack of sunlight. His blank eyes found his aunt’s before looking at the kitten’s. A look of pain flashed across his face as the creature mewled at him, pawing the air, before he hardened his expression again and looked at the woman in front of him.

“I don’t want it.” Gon said harshly, about to slam the door.

“But why not? You’ve always loved animals-” Mito attempted, just wanting to see that smile again. To see those eyes once again light up.

“Not anymore.” Gon snapped, glaring at the floor. 

“Gon-” She pressed, stopping short when she saw Gon look sharply at her.

“If I couldn’t protect Killua,” That pain flashed again through his features again, “-then what makes you think that I can protect an animal? Take it back.” 

“Gon Freecss, if you say one more word with that tone then I’ll make sure that you’ll regret it.” Mito scolded with a hard voice. The boy looked at her with wide eyes. She sighed deeply, “Now I have let you grieve long enough. I know that it’s hard but you aren’t the only one who’s lost someone special. I feel like I lost a son, and I miss him too. But you don’t see me acting like a brat and shutting myself away. So stop behaving like this. Do you hear me, Gon?” 

“Yes, ma’am…” Gon mumbled, turning his hurt eyes to the floor again before slamming the door shut. Not seconds

Not seconds later Mito heard his muffled cries and it took all of her strength not to break down herself as she carried the kitten back into her room.

* * *

 

Weeks passed with Gon only letting himself be seen enough to keep Mito out of his hair. He wasn’t talking to her much after being scolded, but at least he was making himself seen so he figured she’d be content with that for now. She’d have to be.

In that time, the boy made a point to avoid the new addition to the household as well. He scowled at the kitten each and every time he saw it, making sure it knew he didn’t want it there. He kept his door closed so that the animal couldn’t get inside and went out of his way to make it an outsider- even when he would hear the tiny scratching on the door’s surface or the insistent mewling just outside. 

He hated that animal. He hated it with every fiber of his being. How could Mito think he deserved any sort of gift after how he’d treated Killua, how he’d deserted him when his friend needed him most. Killua was alone and dying and Gon was nowhere to be found. Killua was dead because of Gon. Maybe if Gon had talked to him, maybe if he’d  _ been _ there, Killua could have gotten better and would still be alive. Gon could have saved him and protected him.

Gon didn’t deserve a gift. He didn’t deserve a pet. He didn’t deserve more responsibility. He’d just fail again. That kitten would end up dying because of him too. Just like Kite. Just like Killua. So he hated it. He had to hate it, otherwise he’d get attached and it would hurt even worse when it was taken from him. Gon couldn’t lose something else precious to him. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle it next time. It wasn’t like he was even able to handle it  _ now _ .

* * *

 

Gon’s door was never open. He kept it shut tightly as he remained locked away. Hidden from view. From the world. Until one day his door wasn’t closed, left open ajar with the sleeping teen inside on his bed.

And the kitten was all too eager to explore new territory. He saw Gon’s sleeping form almost immediately and scurried over to the bed. It was tall compared to the small creature, but he managed to use his claws to climb up onto the structure. Not wanting to wake the human, and feeling a little tired himself, he nestled onto his chest before drifting off into a slumber. 

Gon awoke a few hours later, dazed in delirious. He didn’t understand why there was a light weight on his chest or why it felt so soft, still feeling the effects of unconsciousness. Once he blinked away the sleep and focused on the animal on his chest- he snapped.

“What are you doing in here? Get out!” Gon said, his face tensed in anger as he sat up quickly, knocking the kitten onto the bed. He mewled, tilting his head to the side and he cautiously crept back toward the furious human. Gon glared picking up the creature and throwing him onto the floor. 

The kitten let a sound of distress and pain, backing away with his head lowered to the ground and his ears pinned back. And Gon regretted his action immediately. 

“N-No! I’m sorry! I didn’t- I’m sorry!” The human was on the ground in an instant, scooping the terrified animal into this hands and hugging him close to his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Killua. I’m-” His brown eyes widened and filled with tears before spilling over. “O-Oh, Killua! I-I miss you so much! A-And I’m sorry, kitty! I didn’t mean to! I just- I hurt you- I’m sorry!” The boy choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes shut and holding the hurt kitten closely. 

The kitten pawed at the human, trying to get his attention, mewling softly. Gon pulled back, still sniffling. He looked at the kitten taking him in for the first time and felt his eyes widen. Those eyes...So bright and beautiful…

“...Killua?” He whispered in disbelief. The kitten mewled in response, pawing him again. Gon felt himself smiling for the first time since before his friend’s death, “Killua… You…. You found me again.” He laughed, tears falling- tears of joy this time. “Killua…. Killua….I’m so sorry! I’ll never ever hurt you again! I promise! We’ll never separate again!”

* * *

 

_ “I agree, Gon. Never again. We’ll always be friends. Always.” _


End file.
